Five Steps to Getting Out of a Relationship Rut

Jumping right in..

The first step into getting out of a relationship rut is to realize that you are in one in the first place.  To use a couple of examples, let's say that you're having the same fights with no resolution, or doing the same old things in the same old way with the same people, and one day, there is a realization,  that there is a rut in the relationship.

The second step, is to sit with that realization for a bit, alone and without drama.  Be present to it.  Ask why that rut is there?  How and why was that rut created.  What need was being served at the time of the creation of the rut, and what need is the rut serving now? What were the functions and dysfunctions to the rut? What lesson or lessons has that rut taught?  What are the consequences or side effects of having been in the rut?  What are the consequences and side effects of exiting the rut?

This might be difficult for some people to do this alone, in which case, consulting a relationship coach, mental health counselor, pastor, etc. could be considered a wise move, especially if one is new to this sort of practice.  It is not, at least according to this writer, the smartest of moves to take the realization of a relationship rut to a friend, or other third party where there is no premise or guarantee of confidentiality.

The third step, is to thank the rut for its service.  I know this part may fly in the face of reason for some folks, but, to give gratitude for the service of that rut, will assist in creating closure for that rut, faster than sitting in resentment and resistance of the rut.

The fourth step, is to make an active, communicative decision with the person/people involved to pursue a better balance, as ruts are all, at their essence, about being out of balance.  This may be tough.  The other people/persons involved in the rut, may not be on the same page (or even reading the same book!) as the person electing to exit the rut.  This is not a fault issue or a judgement issue against the others involved; it's a case of what is, and it is entirely up to the people involved to exercise their free will onto whether to elect to stay in the rut, or to leave the rut.

The fifth step is to simply do the things that were decided upon to pursue the balance that was decided upon, without guilt, worry or fear.

What things do you find get you out of any rut you may find yourself in?  What is the reaction of others when you elect to get out of a rut?  How do you stay focused on getting out of a rut?