Shortly after I wrote the post previous to this one, I found myself driving home, musing about shamanic techniques, and also thinking about how all dysfunctions have a functional part to them--it just isn't always very apparent.
For example, I have a health issue that is both genetic and not very common. I have explained it to more than one family member who has it as well (and just didn't know what it was, much less how to deal with it), not to mention, various and sundry health care practitioners.
How I used to wish that I didn't have this issue in my life! How I resisted this issue! How I struggled to understand it, honor it, and work with it. How, in frustration, anger and pain, I demanded of the Universe to make the issue just go away, because I'd had entirely enough of alternately suffering and enduring forced co-operation with it. At that point in my life, I couldn't see any benefit to continuing to deal with the issue at all, never mind see or experience gratitude for any functional part of it!
Once upon a time I would have been absolutely mortified to admit just how much time and effort, not to mention money, I have spent in intentional commitment to get this medical issue under control, either in the generally accepted fashion of what medical science understands about the disease, exploring alternative medicine techniques to deal with it, or, to energetically heal the issue and release it, only to come up against a wall of failure to the tune of three for three. So I quit struggling with it, and made my peace with it. Mostly.
In the flash of insight that hit me in the car last night, I suddenly understood exactly why I wasn't able to beat the health issue and wound up accepting it instead. I didn't understand, at the time, how it served me in a completely functional fashion! Now, I do, and I am not fully certain what would have happened, under the theory of unintended consequences, if I had let go of/healed the issue, and so, despite my past intention to box it up and send it back to the Universe, the issue is something that remains as an un-boxed part of me, and I have, at this point, completely accepted both it, and it's influence.
In due course, I arrived home, and walked into the house to discover that my roommates had decided to rearrange part of the house, including some of the smaller boxes. I started to feel somewhat triggered, as though I had done something wrong, that people were mad at me because I hadn't thought of this rearrangement myself and did it, and was somehow wrong on several levels over it.
Although I instantly realized something was wrong with _that_ picture, I started babbling as an automatic response. Defending what I'd been doing for the last week, and while I was babbling, I got so much insight into why I still sometimes react badly to change, still deal with stuff that isn't mine, and accepted all manner of chaos and dysfunction into my life, because, for a change, I really _heard_ what I was saying..and from there, a whole bunch of energetically boxed-up stuff I'd just moved around for years, was peacefully sent back to the Universe. I'm not sure I want to ask my roommate what she was thinking as I was babbling on, however! At least I can laugh at myself as I'm writing this post.
What boxed-up things in your life, are still causing you issues? Are you sure they're boxed up and ready to be sent away, or are there still things you are using these issues for that is functional, although you may not realize it yet? What do you wish you could box up and send away, fully and consciously? What do you need to learn to accept and live with?
Until next time...peace.
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