Lessons from the Acreage, #4

I was fully aware of the fact that dogs don't live as long as people, when I got my dog.  I knew I would outlive him the day I brought home a squirmy bundle of ten-week-old fur and love.  I just preferred to not think about it much, although I knew the day would come when I would lose him.

We had good years, dog and I.  Romping, playing, dancing (yes, I taught my dog to dance!), hiking, car rides..all the good things that dog and owner can do.

Fast forward eleven years.  Dog has gone from squirmy pup to dignified old dog.  Dog is blind, arthritic, has acid reflux, from time to time forgets himself and wanders off, or takes unscheduled tumbles to the floor.  The vet says he's just getting old, and the arthritis is impinging the nerves.  There isn't much that can be done about that.

Still and all, I was not prepared for the day when I came home from work, to find dog on the floor.  He had fallen.  There was no getting him up this time, as when I stood him back to rights, he would topple over again.  The realization that this was it, was a physically nauseating emotional blow.

I was far enough out in the country at that point, that the closest 24 hour vet that I knew of, was on the other side of the state.  So I had to call my regular vet and leave a message; hell yes, I cried on the vet's answering machine.

The vet met me at her office the next day.  We were both crying.  The vet gave my dog one last quick exam, hoping that I was wrong.  I was hoping so too.  Alas, I wasn't wrong.  Dog wasn't standing on his own ever again.

I don't know if I cried so many tears at one time before or since, either during or during the aftermath of signing the euthanasia papers.  I got passed around the vet's waiting room, getting hugs and tissues and reassurances from everyone in the place.  Complete strangers.  I'm still somewhat startled that they did that for me.  Not that I'd turn down anyone that clearly needed a hug, mind you.


The lesson I learned most thoroughly from the experience of having my dog, is to be damn aware that there is more than one side to love, and to be damn sure you can handle all the sides.  Everyone wants the wonderful, giddy, happy expectation side to love; very few bargain on the sometimes-bumpy path of love maturing, or on the pain of the loss of that love.

until next time..peace.